Wednesday, October 6, 2010

30 Days of Truths: Day 9

Day 09 

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

This one isn't hard.  Finally an easy one.  I will mention no names but some of you may know who I am speaking of if you knew me in high school.  

Someone I didn’t want to let go, but just drifted was J.  I didn't want to let J go. 

We met when I was 16 and she was 14.  We instantly became best friends.  I don't know how it happened but we connected immediately.  When she started high school we were inseparable.  We did everything together.  If one of us didn't go to school the other would ditch or feign sickness to stay home.  We were that inseparable!  Neither of us had great home lives and I think that lead us to become more attached to each other.  We both needed someone.

One day J met JI, a year or so into our friendship.  He was pretty hot back in those days.  All the girls wanted him but she got him.  Her and I ended up having bad blood between each other because of an incident concerning him.  I won't go into details here.  It's not something I care to speak about but I was in the wrong.  After that we drifted.  We really drifted apart more than I wanted.  I was heartbroken.  I had lost my J.  

After I graduated I got a surprise call.  It was her!  She was scared.  She didn't know what to do.  She had no one to turn to but me.  She was pregnant.  She was 16.  I was there for her during that conversation but it was too late.  We still had drifted and I had moved on to my new life.  I was in the military and not around anymore.   I kept in touch as much as I could but it wasn't easy for either of us.  Once in awhile she would reach out to me.  She was having a rough time in life.  JI wasn't the dream guy everyone thought.  All he was  was a pretty face.  

A few years later I ended moving into the same apartments as her after I left my ex.  It was a great thing and a bad thing.  Turns out JI was a huge douche.  I thought my ex was a douche.  This one had him beat by a million times seven.  He pretty much kept her away from me as much as he could.  I lived right across from them yet we barely saw each other.  That sucked.  We tried to keep contact but it was hard.  

I moved away and moved on.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  She wasn't able to have a friendship with me and I was tired of trying.  This went on over the years.  We'd reconnect after a year or so.  Talk then drift.  It was really really hard but I had to let go so I did.  for awhile at least. 

Last year we reconnected again.  It was great while it lasted.  A lot has gone on with her.  She is no longer with him.  She is happier now though and I am thankful for that.  We talked a bit and I thought "we" were back.  Not so.  

I visited her a few times but I'm not sure she's ready for a full on friendship yet.  I wonder if it's because my presence reminds her of the past.   I know now not to bring it up but we just aren't close anymore.  I miss her.  I miss our talks.  I miss my J.

I try to let her go but I can't.  I think I will forever pursue our friendship and when she's ready she will let me know. 


30 Days of Truths

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself


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