After my miscarriage in September I realized that I no longer like Facebook. There's so much more to life than posting meaningless things for the world to see.
I don't care that you are tired.
I don't care that you just woke up and are getting ready for work.
I don't care that you are hungover.
I don't care that you checked in at Applebee's.
I really just don't care about all that mundane crap.
Before the miscarriage I was one of those people that posted meaningless posts just because. Why did I do it? I don;t know. I was sucked in to it. Now I have realized that all that is is just meaningless time waster and really most people don't care what you are doing every second of the day. I have realized this and it is so much better not having to worry about Facebook 24/7!
I have posted one status update since September 24th, 2011...the day I miscarried.
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Struggle *cont'd*
I stayed away from all things baby and small child related most of this summer. If we got an invite to a birthday party for one of the many babies we know turning one, I ignored it. Really, you can't ignore it though. It was always on my mind. I was bitter. Very very bitter and then it got worse.
Oh my bitterness got much worse in late August or early September when someones else announced their pregnancy. I was mad. Sure I should have been happy but I couldn't be. Oh there's plenty of reasons I was mad. Why is that person pregnant after only a few months? Why are they pregnant when the spouse doesn't even want a kid. Why not us, who have been trying for two long years and who are ready for a baby? Why them and not us? Yes, bitterness was eating away at me. So much so that I never said congratulations. I am not a nice bitter person at all. Things changed on September 17th though.
After having tracked my insane menstrual cycles for two years I finally started regulating around June of this year. That cycle was about 28 days. The next cycle was around 30. I knew then that we may finally have a chance but I was still hesitant to get excited.
August came and went then September came and I realized that I hadn't had a period. I took a test the first week of September but it came out negative. There went my hopes but again it was still early to tell. I decided I would wait until Ocotber to test again but I cheated. Two weeks after the first test, I tested again after having experienced slight cramping and sore breasts. I saw what I was not expecting...I got a positive test! I was so shocked. After two long years of never ending disappointments I finally got what we have been waiting for. Andrew was so excited as was I. Suri was eager to start choosing names. I took three tests total, on three different days because I couldn't believe it.
It was the most amazing time.
Unfortunately our happiness was short lived.
To be continued.....
Oh my bitterness got much worse in late August or early September when someones else announced their pregnancy. I was mad. Sure I should have been happy but I couldn't be. Oh there's plenty of reasons I was mad. Why is that person pregnant after only a few months? Why are they pregnant when the spouse doesn't even want a kid. Why not us, who have been trying for two long years and who are ready for a baby? Why them and not us? Yes, bitterness was eating away at me. So much so that I never said congratulations. I am not a nice bitter person at all. Things changed on September 17th though.
After having tracked my insane menstrual cycles for two years I finally started regulating around June of this year. That cycle was about 28 days. The next cycle was around 30. I knew then that we may finally have a chance but I was still hesitant to get excited.
August came and went then September came and I realized that I hadn't had a period. I took a test the first week of September but it came out negative. There went my hopes but again it was still early to tell. I decided I would wait until Ocotber to test again but I cheated. Two weeks after the first test, I tested again after having experienced slight cramping and sore breasts. I saw what I was not expecting...I got a positive test! I was so shocked. After two long years of never ending disappointments I finally got what we have been waiting for. Andrew was so excited as was I. Suri was eager to start choosing names. I took three tests total, on three different days because I couldn't believe it.
It was the most amazing time.
Unfortunately our happiness was short lived.
To be continued.....
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