Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Struggle *cont'd*

I stayed away from all things baby and small child related most of this summer.  If we got an invite to a birthday party for one of the many babies we know turning one, I ignored it.  Really, you can't ignore it though.  It was always on my mind.  I was bitter.  Very very bitter and then it got worse. 

Oh my bitterness got much worse in late August or early September when someones else announced their pregnancy.  I was mad.  Sure I should have been happy but I couldn't be.  Oh there's plenty of reasons I was mad.  Why is that person pregnant after only a few months?  Why are they pregnant when the spouse doesn't even want a kid.  Why not us, who have been trying for two long years and who are ready for a baby?  Why them and not us?  Yes, bitterness was eating away at me.  So much so that I never said congratulations.  I am not a nice bitter person at all.  Things changed on September 17th though.

After having tracked my insane menstrual cycles for two years I finally started regulating around June of this year.  That cycle was about 28 days.  The next cycle was around 30.  I knew then that we may finally have a chance but I was still hesitant to get excited. 

August came and went then September came and I realized that I hadn't had a period.  I took a test the first week of September but it came out negative.  There went my hopes but again it was still early to tell.  I decided I would wait until Ocotber to test again but I cheated.  Two weeks after the first test, I tested again after having experienced slight cramping and sore breasts.  I saw what I was not expecting...I got a positive test!  I was so shocked.  After two long years of never ending disappointments I finally got what we have been waiting for.  Andrew was so excited as was I.  Suri was eager to start choosing names.  I took three tests total, on three different days because I couldn't believe it. 

It was the most amazing time.

Unfortunately our happiness was short lived.

To be continued..... 


Mrs. Ortiz

Im sorry. I understand your struggle. I feel bad for not truly being able to be happy for people that are pregnant and acting like you dont want a baby but, only in reality you are dying inside for your own. I dont really have words to say to you because I know you are stuggling and cant do anything to make it better and im sorry

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